imagine if prostate cancer research was marketed like breast cancer
women in “i <3 pegging” bracelets
"save the anal!"
there’s a news headline generator that mixes words from real news headlines and they are fucking golden
I can’t even open a program to screenshot this
WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE I AM
i had a dream last night where i was in a restaurant that added a charge of 25 cents to your tab each time you sent a text (except it was $1 on tuesdays) in some weird forceful approach to facilitate “actual” human interaction except the whole place was silent because the only things anyone wanted to talk about was how stupid the texting surcharge was and how awful the food/service were
well i mean, i say the whole place was silent, but eventually a mariachi band appeared and started doing some mariachi version of gate openerz which, i gotta say, sounds really neat with brass horns
anyways, uh… i’m very confused now. good morning
playing fake poker in red dead redemption has taught me that i would not last at all in the world of real poker
(sidenote: i’ve been playing RDR a lot and it’s fun to dick around in but i haven’t bothered writing about it because there’s a lot that frustrates me about the writing and especially about the flow of missions and i figure posts like mass effect where i can be like “I’M COMMANDER SHEPARD AND I LOVE ALIENS AND FOCUSING ON FINDING SAREN” are more fun than “I’M WHITE GUY JOHN MARSTON AND WHY DID THE WRITERS OF THIS GAME MAKE EVERYONE IN MEXICO AN UNLIKEABLE JERK AND MORALLY UNSOUND?” y’know?)
ANYWAYS i just spent the last hour at a poker table because i like playing it to close the night off since i can just tap out whenever and it’s one of the few places in this game where i probably won’t get shot by NPCs
and the game’s texas hold ‘em… i’m not gonna bother explaining it but if you’re not familiar with it, a) i’m surprised and b) you’ll probably do well to scroll past this at this point because you might just get confused
anyways ANYWAYS, i got dealt an 8 and some other card and those were my hand, and then two more 8’s came up in the center, so i was like “oh cool, that’s a three of a kind” and i played aggressively because i figured that was pretty good
but then the last 8 came out in the center and i was like “oh. oh my god, now everyone has a three of a kind. i’m fucking fucked, goddammit” and then i looked at my cards again and was like “wait, i have the last 8
………….i have the last 8???”
and then i spent at least three real minutes sitting there, staring at the TV and internally shaking at the fact that i had a 4-of-a-kind and that i had the whole pot on lock
but i’m pretty sure in the real world, i’d just look like a fucking idiot and everyone would be like “oh i guess he’s got the last 8” and repeatedly muttering to myself “oh my god i have the last 8” would probably give that away as well and everyone would fold and i wouldn’t get to lure any suckers in
moral of the story: i have no poker face and i should not go to a casino ever, nor should i play strip poker i guess idk.
and really don’t even get me started on strip poker. i don’t know how the fuck that’s played. do you just wager articles of clothing? that seems really short. so much in this world confuses me.